An Interview with the Virus
Steven J. Daniels sits down with SARS-Cov-2
This post was originally published on July 27, 2022, and contains a lot of scientific information on viruses and the SARS-Cov-2 virus in particular. I always believe people should know the truth.
This interview is a work of fiction. The virus, while real, is used in a purely fictional manner. The questions and dialogue are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual viruses living or dead is purely coincidental.
The information, however, is based on historical and scientific facts.
The Interview
I had a chance recently to sit down with the SARS-Cov-2 virus. I requested the interview because I wanted to provide the virus an opportunity to share its feelings on the recent COVID-19 pandemic.
SJD: Welcome, SARS-Cov…. uh, what do you prefer to be called?
Cov-2: Cov-2 is good.
SJD: Okay, Cov-2… tell my readers a bit about yourself… you know… where you’re from and all that.
Cov-2: First of all, I’ll tell you about my family. There are thousands of us coronaviruses but only seven infect humans. Four are common colds and influenza and the other three I’m sure your readers are familiar with: my sister virus SARS-Cov who came out of China in 2002… we’re very close, by the way… MERS from the Middle East in 2012, and myself out of China in 2019. We are all similar to our cousins the cold and influenza viruses as we cause upper respiratory tract and intestinal illnesses.
SJD: The CDC and NIH both admitted you came out of a Level-4 lab in Wuhan, China. Is that true?
Cov-2: Yes. That’s where I originated.
SJD: Were you released or did you escape?
Cov-2: I have no idea. All I remember is finding my first human to infect in Wuhan, China.
SJD: In early, 2020, the media reports scared people by telling them you were a deadly strain of a “novel virus” that we had never seen before. How did that make you feel?
Cov-2: It hurt because it wasn’t true. I’m neither novel nor deadly. I’m 80% similar to my sister SARS-Cov with the same 99% survival rate. Which is also the same as our cousins the influenza viruses. Scientists knew that but they were ignored or silenced. I don’t know why.
SJD: So you were not as deadly as they let on?
Cov-2: Listen, my life as a coronavirus depends on finding hosts to infect. My enemy is not people. It’s their healthy human immune system. Really tough to get past that. But if the system is compromised by age, disease, or other factors, I can get through. I enter the cells, feed on an enzyme, and reproduce. When the human host has a large enough viral load, they can pass it on to others through the air by coughing and sneezing. Just like a common cold.
SJD: Do you feel bad about all the deaths you caused?
Cov-2: I’m not a killer virus like that idiot Ebola. That one kills until it runs out of hosts. The disease I cause is called COVID-19. It’s a respiratory illness that is non-fatal to healthy people. The people who died had compromised immune systems from old age, diseases like cancer, or other auto-immune diseases. Even the Centers for Disease Control in the US said 95% of people who died from COVID-19 had 4 or more comorbidities.
SJD: Do you feel any responsibility at all for the deaths?
Cov-2: I bear some responsibility I suppose, but if you people had done nothing and let me infect everyone, you would have reached herd immunity and I would have run out of hosts to infect.
SJD: Does HCQ (hydroxychloroquine) or Ivermectin prevent you from lighting the fire?
Cov-2: I don’t want to talk about them.
SJD: Why?
Cov-2: (exhales deeply) Okay. I mentioned the enzyme in the cells I feed on, right?
SJD: Yes.
Cov-2: One thing that destroys that enzyme in the cells is zinc sulfate. The problem is zinc can’t penetrate the cell wall. Then along comes HCQ and Ivermectin. Both of them are capable of opening a damn window and letting the zinc in. Then I starve to death. I was happy so many governments made HCQ and Ivermectin illegal and hard for people to obtain.
SJD: Why do you think governments did that?
Cov-2: You’d have to ask them. All I know is it sure helped me to keep infecting people.
SJD: What do you think about the government’s response to you?
Cov-2: It was hilarious. It was like they had no idea how a virus works. My whole family laughed so hard at some of the things they did.
SJD: Like what?
Cov-2: There’s so many. (chuckles) Okay. In stores, they put 2-foot by 2-foot plastic shields between customers and the cashiers like I only travel in a straight line and can’t go around corners. Then there are the direction stickers and the 6-foot keep-your-distance markers on the floor. They expected me to comply with that? But the best one of all was the requirement to wear a mask into a restaurant and then take it off when you’re seated. Like I maintain a 4-foot hover over a table waiting for someone to stand up. I laughed so hard at some of these idiotic things.
SJD: So the mitigation measures didn’t bother you?
Cov-2: On the contrary, I loved them. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. They really helped me.
SJD: Could you please explain?
Cov-2: Sure. Let’s look at the lockdowns. This is a dream come true for me. Locking everyone, including healthy people, in their homes causes stress and anxiety because they’re away from their jobs, extended family, and friends. Plus they’re not getting sunshine and fresh air. All these factors weaken their immune system. Weakened immunity makes it easier for me to infect.
SJD: But government experts said the lockdowns would prevent you from spreading.
Cov-2: Of course isolating people helped to prevent me from spreading, but how long will you keep people locked down? You have to let them out eventually, and I was waiting for them and their weakened immunity. It was perfect. Don’t forget. I’m a coronavirus. I infect people. It’s what I do. I’ll spread through a population no matter what you guys do. Everyone is exposed to me eventually.
SJD: What about social distancing?
Cov-2: I never heard of it before 2020, but the best way to end a pandemic like the one I caused is to do the opposite of that.
SJD: Why is that?
Cov-2: I’ll answer you with a great example. Remember I said my sister SARS-Cov is very much like me?
SJD: Yes, I believe you said she is 80% the same as you.
Cov-2: She is and we both have a survival rate of around 99%. From 2002 to 2003, she started infecting people. The media did their best to scare everyone, but it didn’t work. In Canada, the health authorities took some precautions in hospitals, but most Canadians went about their business as usual. Take Toronto for example. The media named it “SARS City” and told people to avoid traveling there at all costs because it was dangerous and they would be risking death. Meanwhile, the 3.5 million people who live in Toronto went to work, rode public transit, visited grandparents… you know… went on with their lives as usual. My sister SARS-Cov infected everyone, but most people didn’t show any symptoms. There were some who got sick and had to stay home from work. A few required hospitalization and some of those died. Out of a population of 35 million Canadians, there were 438 suspected cases and 44 deaths. That’s a survival rate of over 99.99%. Certainly, nothing to be afraid of.
SJD: That’s for sure. What happened to your sister SARS Cov-2?
Cov-2: She stopped infecting people because she ran out of people to infect.
SJD: How did that happen?
Cov-2: The people reached… this is a terrifying word for any kind of virus… they reached herd immunity. We can’t survive that.
SJD: What about masks? There’s been a great debate about whether they stop you from spreading.
Cov-2: There should be no debate. It’s simple science. Anything smaller than 4 microns can get through any mask including the N95. I am only 1 micron. If you can breathe, I can get through and into your lungs.
SJD: So, you don’t care if people wear masks?
Cov-2: Actually, I’m glad they were forced to wear them. The media terrified a lot of people making them reluctant to go out in public. Masks give them a false sense of security and out they go. Then I’ll go right through their little masks and infect them.
SJD: You sound very confident in what you do.
Cov-2: I am. All of us coronaviruses are very intelligent animals. We’re quick to infect and to adapt. That’s why we’ve been around for millions of years and laugh at your puny efforts to control and eradicate us.
SJD: You’re talking about the vaccines.
Cov-2: Yup. Your scientists have never been able to come up with a vaccine that is effective against coronaviruses because we mutate too quickly. They know that. The common cold is a good example. How’s that vaccine comin’ along?
SJD: So the current COVID-19 vaccines don’t worry you?
Cov-2: Not at all. They’re inoculating people for versions of me that don’t exist anymore. As I said, I mutate quickly. By the time your scientists develop a vaccine, I’ve mutated a thousand times. They’ll never catch up.
SJD: How many mutated strains of you are there?
Cov-2: I stopped counting at around 12,000. One good thing for you guys is when I mutate, I become less deadly. That’s because I’d have to be an idiot to kill everyone I infect. I need human hosts to survive and replicate. Right now, I’m no more problematic than a common cold.
SJD: Does that explain why vaccinated people are still getting sick over and over again from COVID-19?
Cov-2: Are you sure you want to get into this?
SJD: I believe my readers would want to know.
Cov-2: You’re talking about breakthrough infections, right?
SJD: Yes.
Cov-2: There’s no such thing as a “breakthrough infection”. They made up the term to cover the fact their vaccines don’t work. Your own immune system is way better.
SJD: Could you explain why?
Cov-2: Sure. I live in a microscopic world and I know what’s going on in my ‘hood. You humans have no idea how amazingly efficient your own immune system is. If it’s healthy, I have a helluva time with it. It lays in wait for me. Locked and loaded. When I enter the body, it recognizes me immediately and attacks me.
SJD: You said it recognizes you?
Cov-2: Of course it does. Your immune system has waged war against millions of coronaviruses and remembers every single one of them. It has an amazing memory. But even if it didn’t recognize me, it doesn’t matter. Your immune system uses non-specific antibodies that will attack anything. They don’t care what it is. If it’s a foreign entity entering the body, they’re on it like white on rice.
SJD: So what about the vaccines? The vaccine companies claim they’re effective against you.
COV-2: They’re not. The mRNA vaccines are supposed to work by using my spike proteins. Those are the red thingies sticking out of me. The scientists figured out that if they inject people with billions of my spike proteins coated with nanoparticles, they’ll get past the immune system, enter the cells, reproduce, and create antibodies. And they do, but the problem is they create specific antibodies for only that strain of me. Once I mutate, they’re ineffective. And, by the way, the antibodies they produce won’t attack anything else. People are defenseless against a whole bunch of diseases.
SJD: Can’t the immune system’s non-specific antibodies take over and attack you?
Cov-2: You’d think so right? But the specific antibodies created by the vaccine are dominant and overpower the non-specific antibodies. Makes it easy for me. I sail right past the vaccine’s specific antibodies because they ain’t even lookin’ for me.
SJD: So, then a so-called “breakthrough infection” happens.
Cov-2: Now ya got it.
SJD: Boosters won’t help?
Cov-2: Nope. They’re just another dose of the same failed product.
SJD: People are being told that if they receive the COVID-19 vaccine, they will experience milder symptoms. What’s your opinion on that?
Cov-2: It doesn’t make any sense to me. If a vaccine doesn’t stop me from infecting someone, it ain’t a vaccine. Have you ever heard of any vaccinated person experiencing a less severe form of smallpox or polio? I haven’t.
SJD: So you’re going to continue mutating and infecting people as long as you can?
Cov-2: Yeah. It’s nothing personal. I’m a coronavirus. That’s what I do.
SJD: You’ve certainly cleared up some misconceptions for me and I believe you’ve given my readers some insight into your world. Thank you, Cov-2. I appreciate you taking the time to do this interview.
Cov-2: My pleasure. I hope this goes viral.
SJD: (chuckles) Virology humor?
Cov-2: Yeah… sorry, couldn’t resist. It’s infectious.
SJD: I’m going to quit while I’m behind.
Until next time, remember curious and skeptical is a good place to be.
Steven J. Daniels
The Skeptical Investigator